Communicating Calmly: A Guide for Navigating a Breakup with Grace
Divorce or breakups are tough—there’s no sugar-coating that. But while it's not the outcome anyone hopes for, it’s challenging enough without adding unnecessary friction. How you handle communication during this time can make all the difference. Whether you’re trying to get what you want or maintain a cordial relationship, keeping calm and focused is essential.
It’s helpful to ask yourself the primary goal in various scenarios- Do you want to 1) get what you want; 2) maintain self-respect; or 3) maintain the relationship?
If you try to do all three, you might come up short. Decide which is most important and then keep the following in mind:
1. Getting What You Want
Divorce is often about negotiation and compromise. To have your needs met, it’s important to communicate effectively:
DO: Stick to the facts. Be clear about what you want and why it matters. Appear confident in your requests, and stay open to negotiation.
DON’T: Let the conversation veer off-topic, cower down to avoid conflict, or engage in arguments. These only sidetrack progress and escalate emotions.
2. Preserving Your Dignity
Even in difficult conversations, you can hold onto your values and self-respect:
DO: Stay grounded in your values. Be honest and fair, even when things get tough.
DON’T: Make excuses or over-apologize. You don’t need to justify every decision or feeling—honesty and integrity speak for themselves.
3. Maintaining a Relationship
Sometimes, especially when children are involved, maintaining a relationship is crucial. Here's how to foster healthy communication:
DO: Listen more than you speak. Be gentle and validating when appropriate to show respect for their feelings, even if you don’t agree.
DON’T: Interrupt, attack, or manipulate to get your way. These tactics destroy trust and fuel resentment.
Final Thoughts
You may not control every aspect of a divorce or breakup, but you do control how you communicate. When it feels like so much is out of your control, it can be helpful to focus on what you -can- control. Staying calm, focused, and respectful can preserve your dignity and help you come out stronger. Plus, it can make the process a little less painful.
